Natasha Deacon


"Mental" was a perfect catagory for me when I saw it on artjobs instagram page. 

Obviously over this year it's been a trying time for every single one of us. When I looked back through my paintings over the years I realsied I have struggled for far longer until I was aware by a professional. I paint how I feel, yet sometimes I paint pretty flowers. Some of the pieces I am uploading for you to to hopefully take the time to see, people have purchased because they like it, the black and white or pop art, whatever their art preference, without really understanding the meaning behind the piece. Which is completely fine by me. I never really tell the buyer the story behind the piece, It's their story now,. 

It's such a weight off my shoulders in a way to upload these photos of my paintings and to tell MY meaning behind it. It's almost like... well I don't know it's just nice to get it off my chest through art. I hope if someone does read this, they look at my painting and make an assumption before they read what was going through my head as I was painting these pieces. 

Even writing this now I feel like a teenager again writing in my diary, instead I'm using my ex girlfriends shitty laptop she leant me *laughing face emoji*

This is a self portrait of me. Acrylic on canvas. I smile when I drink, and that's only when I fell content, happy and les anxious. My brother in law bought it from me. Like I said in my story, they don't know the meaning but they like the actual painting. He probably wouldn't have purchased it if he knew. But that's how I felt at the time (2016) and still do
Sometimes it's not SELF harm I'm no Dr, but I'm sure most cases in self harm are down to other people, without them realising the effect they are having on that person. Family, colleagues, partners etc etc. That's what I have felt before, this piece is based upon a magician doing the typical hankies out of a sleeve. They (the family, colleague, partner etc etc) may think they're being funny/ having a bit of banter but not realising the effect those words have on other people and what that other person does to make themselves feel better. Acrylic on canvas
I had a shit day at work (I'm a manager of an independent restaurant and was working nights part time in my local pub) I listened to Jess Glynne's "don't be so hard on yourself" the way home, but actually LISTENED to it this time. It was so uplifting. Got back to my flat, played it again, LOUD. I got a blank canvas and paints out straight away. The lyrics are "I drew a paper a smile to paper over me" So the girl (me) looks very happy, but that's because she drew a paper smile on her face. I based the smile on Ronald McDonald. If you hold your hand over the smile, she looks very sad. Acrylic on canvas.
This is a portrait of me and my lover when I was 19. He was 42. I thought he liked me. Turns out he just wanted me for sex. He enjoyed cocaine too much, he was an ass. See the clues? I sold this painting. God knows why they liked it but would probably want to pay me to take it back if they knew my meaning behind it. Acrylic on canvas
Evelyn Francis McHale After I moved to London from Wiltshire (one to persue an art career, one to get away from the guy in the previous painting) I was getting so much more into art and history, photography, galleries, you name it. I had no distraction dickhead around. I learnt about Evelyn, a beautiful young woman who took her life off the Empire state building in 1947. Apparently a photography student just happened to be in the right place at the right time (without trying to sound so morbid) and took the photo of Evelyn ontop of a car, despite falling all that way, when she landed she looked so at peace, hence it dubbed as the most beautiful suicide. The photograph is beautiful but of course it's in black and white. I wanted to paint her in colour. She must have felt her life was in black and white but I'm sure she gave colour to everyone in her short life. That's what I have learnt about myself after my suicide attempt in October 2018 and I vow I will try my best not to go to that point in my life again. Evelyn is an inspiration. Acrylic on canvas